I just wanna share something that I think I have let go just a while ago. A story of a man which I choose to love unselfishly and that I think would forever be true.
I knew him for a while since he has been my classmate during my 2nd year of college. His name is "Mr. A" and honestly I don not like him. Most of my classmates do not like his attitude because of being so boastful and arrogant. Though I didn't think of him as that because my dad did not teach me to look people on their bad sides. I love all people whom I knew even if they do not like me. I don't earn so much hatred in my heart as much as I can because I think it would add to my burdens. LOL :)...
Anyway back to him,
His girlfriend was my friend, actually!! So funny as it seems, I am their advisor and when they fight they would merely ask my opinion about it. I'm good at it really, Most people always tell me that. hehehe.. Then what happen after is that they split up and I didn't know why. And this man comes up to me and ask for a help that her woman would come back, and I did, see how helpful was I? LOL.. And it happen..
Our love story started on a text message.
I am fond of texting quotes every morning and that becomes my hobby. I always greet someone as a part of me day saying to take good care or "amping" and have a good day. Then he replied a qoute. I dont want to mention what it was because that was bad..hehehe :).. but actually I did not understand the meaning at first but a friend told me how to read it. It did not offended me because I know that it was a joke. And I really laugh because I find a hard time just to understand it.
And then as time goes by we texted each other everyday. Exchanging silly jokes and texting till midnight. And sadly, I fall inlove with him. I did not take the urge to tell him because his girlfriend is my friend and I don't want to end that just because of a man. I really Love my friends.
And the 2nd break-up takes over. We continue txting each other for a while and he did tell me a word "maypa ikaw nalang xa noh?" and it really breaks me down into pieces. Anyway he courted me after they broke up (and that's what I believed, how fooloish I am). We became partners and I'm so happy about it. To shoten up my story I was so madly inlove with him and I did not notice that it brings me up to being alone. My friends hated him, my parents actually love him because I did told them that he is good (and that's what they believe until now) I did not have the courage to let my parents know what was happening in my life withe him.
The sad thing about me being with him is like killing own self into death. Beat my heart to death and loose my soul till eternity. Though I am happy being with him it makes me forget all the things that I have, the things that I ought to have and just make me forget that I also need to take care of myself. He's my all and I have sacrificed a lot just for him. He was my first kiss and everything about hims seems so perfect for me.
I am blinded by love, I did not see or let's just say that I did not mind the thing that worsens everything about him. He is a total disgrace, a big liar and most of all a total dumb ass cheater. I choose to make our relationship be invisible to everybody. For almost a year I hide all the pain inside me. I drank to forget the pain and act like I just don't care of everything though seeing him with his other girlfriends makes me really break. I am not the only one in his life, yes sadly it is. Though I made him my everything he just did is take me as an "OPTION".
My friends always tell me that to stop loving him, though I tried but my heart just don't cooperate and makes me break even more. I cry, when I'm alone, I don't want to see them that I'm really hurting, I hid it all by myself. When He and I were girlfriends two of my classmates were his Girlfriends too. I knew it all he tells me and sadly I acted as I'm not HURT...though it's merely killing my heart. Breaking it into pieces and seems like the hurt has no endings. He also has his girlfriends outside the school and I knew it. How many times that I have seen him with somebody else and just smile infront of them. I was hurt..badly hurt by him.
As time goes by, I get used to being hurt, I watched him love somebody else. And In return to that I did not learn to love somebody else, I became a loyal partner to him, I gave up everything even if that means loosing up myself. I did loose everything especially my friends because I keep on telling them that he's a good man even though he's not. I cried for that times that I let myself be fooled by him.
One time I did go to their house and found out that he's motorcycle is not there and it's almost nine in the evening which usually he goes home. I choose to look for him and found him at the ROTONDA with he's bestfriend's GIRLFRIEND.. see how cheater he was? They became a rival because of that. I saw them on hugging each other while the girl was on his lap laughing. Know what? what I did is just look at them, how happy he was, being with her. For almost 15 minutes my friend slaps me up on my back and said how pathetic I am. Yes I didn't imagine how was I blinded by LOVE. My friends got to choose to do the move and go to their said "what a beautiful day" with a loud tone. He knows all my friend and eventually look on to my side and he was shock. They go away from the place. That hurts but I manage up everything. I cried the whole night, I stayed at the plaza luz (I have a motorcycle on that time). The whole night I called my best friend up saying how sorry I am for loving someone who couldn't love me back. How I became so loyal with a man who can't be trusted.
He did not loved me, I know but I still choose to stay knowing that he'll changed. Hoping that someday we would end up together. I knew it in my heart that everyone tells me not to pursue on being good to him. Almost everyone tell's me that he is that! and this but I still choose not to listen. I love him and that matters. I have seen him loving someone else and see how he cries for that woman who he loves most betrayed him (that was my friend). I almost die..for loving him so much. One day I end up our relationship and that makes broken into pieces. At the day I choose to make him my partner the same day I choose to break up with him. December 02, 2008 is the most unforgettable date of my life. It's just for a simple reason,
"I choose to make my heart be broken to make it whole again"
After three years here I am now putting my heart back on it's whole. Letting myself be ready for the nest FALL. I know the walls i build 3 years ago for me not to love again is slowly breaking up. Letting myself fall in love again after a long time. And now I would love again but a little wiser than before. I would love the same as before.The same as what I did for him. Maybe God would send me a man that would not hurt me as what he did. I know and I trust him. I will patiently wait for that person who would eventually help me to have my trust again, someone who could prove to me that all men's are not the same.
As of now, I learn to forgive him. To Pray that God would guide him the best on his way. I still remember him, but the feelings is gone, Don't know where it is. LOL.. I Pray the best for him and I hope that he'll be happy now. I want him all the best in life.
For me? LOL..:) I'll will patiently wait for the man who could break up the wall I have made, who could prove to me that not all of them are like him. The one who could assure me that I'm the only one..
And that's the missing part of my life right now. hehehehe :)
