Regular DAY

Today is the first day being a regular employee at my work. It turns out to be just an ordinary day, even though broken hearted kunuhay koh.. happy japon.. Wa nakoi mahimo if love jud to nya nah gurl.. hehehe.. God knows it all how much I love him.. pero,, way au.. hahaha!! di nah ko magpakatanga ug balik wui!! 2 mistakes is enough.. hehehe!! Dili nah nako i tolerate sa ako life.. I hope nah mawala nah xa sa ako life.. den dili nah xa mamancn para maka move on najud ko!! ahahaahaha!! smile japon tah ane.. gRRRRr.. hehehehe!! Happy jud koh nah na regular nako!! hehehe!! hmmmn!!! last natong cry2 nako gabie!! para nya!! hahaha!! LAST najud... :(

♥ Memoirs ♥

This movie seems so old but it's our family's favorite movie. We used to watch this and wait till Xmas eve. Hahaha.. Remembering those moments with my family being complete really makes me sad. This is our first Christmas without him. We used to laugh all the times even when there were no mush food in the table. Now this Christmas were planning to sleep. LOL.. hahai!!! We really miss him so much. I know mom's feeling the same way as much as I do. But we cannot do a thing but just stare at his picture on our altar and remember those memories we spent together. My dad is a happy man, no vices and the most responsible man of all.  I'm so proud of him and all knows that. He is a man of honor,  and he becomes my idol. I wish i could be able to meet a man like him. Hahai., back to the movie. He loves this one even balik2 nah gani.. makig lalis jud, taga Xmas mao jud neh iya lantawon.. hehehe.. Pero ala nah ni karun kai watching this movie seems makes us all cry. It's Xmas and I want my family to be happy. Dad miss you so much... And thank you for all the things you have done to me. I may not be able to show you how much I appreciate you when you were still alive, I hope that you were able to see me now, the way you want me to be. I'm sorry dad, for always disappointing you when you are still alive. Kahinumdom pako last bday nako nah naa kah.. You cried kai you want me to change but still nothing happens. Maybe it's too late now for me to recognized my wrongs, i hope that you could forgive me., I know it's too late now to be good, coz there's no you now. But I'll promise to take good care of our family. To treasure the moments with mamang and my siblings. I won't waste much time on spending it with no worthy stuff. I love you pang.. I know it's too late now to make things to keep you smiling. But I know somehow you're now proud of me.

The "SONG"

 

This song's reminded me of my dad.. He used to sang this one early in the morning. Then eventually reminds us how he and my mom loves each other. I really love this song. I didn't hear this one for a long time after his death. A long time ago I hear this one every morning. My dad loves music. I miss him so much.. hahai... :'(

Here goes my heart

Again, after 3 years my heart came to a point of falling in love again. But this time it’s much wiser. Though I give my all on this one, I won’t risk everything to feel pain and be hurt again in the end. These few months I have been my best and most people who are closest to me notice what happened. I’ve never been in love like this for a while. Maybe to extent the thought that he doesn’t feel the same the way I do. It’s awkward to think that he does some things that would actually let me fall for him. I don’t know if he does the same thing to everyone. All I know is that.

  

“I hate this feeling now”

  I don’t want it to grow in my heart and expect anything less than being a friend. In that way I could prevent my heart from hurting too much. What happens last month was just a dream. A nightmare that I wish that never happened. It keeps on coming back on my mind and thinking that it was just a game which actually ended that same day. I know he has someone in his heart now and I’m happy for that. But watching him afar seems to hurt me much that the one he loves, is also in love with somebody else. I know how it hurts him because I feel the same way before and now with him. I don’t have the guts to tell him what’s inside my heart because I don’t want to get hurt.

I tried to avoid him but everything I do seem to get straight to him which that I don’t like. What happen 3 years ago will not happen now. I will not run after him like what I did to someone in my past. I would rather look at myself hurting and feel than to see my pride and respect for myself loose in the end. For now I want to be selfish and look on the things that may be the best for me. I know that someday when I’ll find the one for me I’ll remember you and laugh out these times that I cried for you.

I wish you to be happy that’s why I keep on avoiding you these days. I don’t want to fall for you completely. As long as I can manage to forget you, I will. I hope that you will not let me fall, coz I know that there’s someone else in your hear and I’m not the girl for you. Someday I’ll accept the truth; I know I can endure this pain. I can’t share this to anyone coz no one could understand my pain now. Only I could explain. 

“Please don’t let me fall”

Stop making actions that would eventually makes my heart beat stupidly. Don’t make any action that serves as my expectations from you goes higher. Please keep on avoiding me like what I am doing with you now. I don’t want to get hurt and goes back to healing my heart coz it takes time. Please don’t let me fall. 

to Mr. Unpredictable

I need to forget him..

I wanna FORGET YOU.. 

please I want to have  a peaceful life again.. without you.. 

I don't wanna cry.. but I can't help it. 

Please,, hahai!! 

I don't know why my heart can't forget you.. 

I really wanna do want to forget you..

-Mr. Mean..

7 days before "CHRISTMAS"

Sometime's.. 

I didn't notice that it's christmas.. 7 days to go.. This would be the first time to spend X-mas without him. I really miss dad and it's almost his 1 year death anniversary this January 23.. I wish to hug him tight in my dreams.hahai!! I hope to someday.

I never thought

I never thought that this day would come that all he want was to be with me. That he would need me, as much as I need him before. But where's the love? I can't really see it in my heart. It came to the point that all I want is to help him and not to LOVE him. I just want him to be happy and I want it not to come from me. After a while I did visit their house because of my computers problem and it's quite amazing that still his family knows me. LOL.. hehehehe.. After 3 years everything seems to rush back. The things that I want to happen and the day that I was wishing all the time whenever I see a falling star..(to be with him).. hahai.. but he's not the one I have been wishing for.. these day's. I just want us now to be friends. Just like before he broke my heart 3 years ago. I don't know why people tend to tell me that by my actions it tells that I'm still so inlove with him. But it's not it's just the idea that I was there because I'm his friend... wala ko nagdumot niya after all these years. Were still friends pero di najud pwede ang lovers.. hahaha!! ka lol ba wui.. ala jud ko ga expect bah.. hahaha!! People mostly say.. almost all my friends.. BASIN KAMO JOD? hahahaha!! unsa? daw.. hehehe.. I want him to be happy. hahai!!! lako kabalo why people dili kah understand sa akoh nah di najud koh makigbalik niya.. they insist nah inlove japon koh niya.. naa daw sa ako lihok? so kung ingon ana parehas man ko dinal-an sa ako 2 kah ex? so inlove ko nila gahpon pareho? hahahahaha!! ka lol jud wui.. ai!!dre nalang taman!! till next tym.. hahaha!!